Okay. Okay. I have had too much time to think lately. Granted I have been thinking mostly about getting comfortable and managing pain. What has amazed me is how much a struggle it is to be nice. When I hurt, I want what I want and I want it right now. My patience is totally absent for anyone who does not do as I wish immediately. I could blame my impatience on the pain and lack of judgment caused by the pain medications messing with my mind. But would my bad behavior surface so readily if it was not deeply engrained? If at my core I was thoughtful, patient, and God-centered, my ugly behaviors would not be such a struggle. And why do my worst behaviors seem to emerge when I am with those I love most? Aren’t these the people who should see my best behaviors and be the recipients of my nicest comments?
Oh, my poor husband! I have tried. I honestly have tried to not be too demanding and to thank him when he meets my needs. However, I must admit when the pain is stabbing my leg, my words are a bit sharp and unappreciative.
“Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.” Ephesians 5:15-17 NIV
I suspect that unkind words said to people who love me and help me would qualify as being unwise, as living foolishly. As a matter of fact, several verses in Proverbs address the issue of a disagreeable wife.
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.” Proverbs 21:19 NIV
So, since especially when I am out of sorts or do not feel well is the time my worst behavior displays itself, I need to let God’s love live in me. A woman with inner beauty is a blessing to her husband and to everyone she encounters.
“A wife of noble character is her husband's crown…” Proverbs 12:4a NIV
Lord, cleanse me of the selfish, self-centered behaviors I have displayed this week. Make me a beacon light of your love.
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