I Am Back

My last post said that I was overwhelmed, and I was. The past three weeks have been challenging. All has turned out well and some of the challenges were truly blessings. However, my scheduled activities were totally upset. Today is my first “normal” day in almost a month. Unless something unusual happens, life should return to normal activities with the expected daily challenges. So I am writing tonight. Yeh!

In a way I feel a bit guilty that I have been neglecting writing about what God has been revealing to me. In a way I am not bothered because I know the reason why I have not posted a blog. However, I wonder if I am rationalizing my lack of writing or am being realistic and in tune with God. You see I am beginning to understand that Satan does much damage when we rationalize. It is not my place to justify my behaviors. It is my place to seek God’s will through thoughtful prayer and listening for his answer.

I needed a breather. I was beginning to show signs of stress. Tears were often just below the surface fighting to come out. I needed a break, and God provided a time of retreat. But did he want me to take nine days off from writing? No. I selfishly decided to not write one day. Yes it had been a trying day and I was tired. For me, once I start something I should not do, I will continue for quite a while before I can put a stop to my behavior.

This is the reason I do not buy M&M’s. I can have a package in my cupboard for several days, but once the package is opened and I eat the first one, I do not stop until the whole package is gone. It makes no difference that the sweet chocolate taste has become obnoxious. The package must be consumed. The consumption may be spread over a couple of days, but I am consuming the candy until it is completely gone.

It would have been no big deal if I would have sat down to write the next day. But I didn’t. I was still tired and stressed. After all, two days of not writing was not a big deal since I had written every day last month. The rationalization had begun, and it continued to feed on itself. I know it is okay to skip a day once in a while especially if God has not laid something on my heart to address. But he had. By the third day, I did not want to write. It was too much effort. I started to avoid listening to God. My conscious became calloused. Why do I let Satan sneak into my thoughts and control me like this?

So by not putting God first, I arrogantly rebelled against doing God’s will. I was full of human pride as I decided to do as I wanted to do.

The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low; the Lord alone will be exalted in that day. Isaiah 2:11 NIV

Who am I? A stubborn, rebellious woman.

Lord, forgive my arrogance of challenging your instructions to me. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, give me the strength to withstand Satan when he tempts me to rationalize my behaviors. Make me joyfully responsive to your every command.